Francine of 2 Pirates and a Princess writes about her prenatal diagnosis, and her early acceptance of her child’s Down syndrome. She didn’t have the fear or doubt I had, but instead was able to see right to the beauty in what lay ahead. She writes, “David and I discussed it the other night (he was actually home). Although he was certainly plunged into ‘worry’, he also did not have the sadness that seems to accompany so many other families. And I feel a little guilty about how excited I was – I’ve felt since high school that I was supposed to have a child with Down syndrome (because of a beautiful experience in Israel at Ma’on Latinok, that home for children with DS). Also, since my mom and I had an awful fight when I found out the gender of the baby and wouldn’t tell her until I’d told David (who was in Switzerland at the time), I was relieved to know that at least THIS mother-daughter relationship would be “different” (whatever that would mean…).”
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I think it’s important to note that Francine didn’t have fear or doubt because she’d had exposure to children with DS. Personally, I think it’s fear of the unknown that does a lot of us in at first.
Excellent point! I know for me, it was the fear. And I love Francine’s story because it gives me hope. If we can take away the fear, or if we can help each other find the way through it, then perhaps the experience can be easier, or better (more like Francine’s–full of excitement and wonder), for other mothers in the future.
I was the president of our local DS group for a few years and my experience with new parents was that about half had real sadness/ fear or even depression after diagnosis and half didn’t.
And a couple years down the road no one would be able to guess which parents had which unless they told you. Different paths to the same place. I always thought that was really interesting.